living with a dog outside of neutral – part 2

the first month -

welcome … maybe

Fran got out of our car and looked at our house cautiously. As she entered the front door all of her black wooly fur stood straight up, it was the first time I had seen a dog go completely pilo erect. She almost doubled in size. She got up on her tip toes and walked from room to room and checked out absolutely everything. Never once did she acknowledge any of us, she just kept checking it out.

The backyard proved no different. Every inch was checked out, information gathered.

When she finally made it over to me, I started to pet her, really check her out for the first time, feel her body, legs, and velvet soft ears. Who are you? She melted under my touch, just like butter. She seemed to want and need that kind of deep saturated touch, and I needed to do this for her. Here we were, two souls in need of repair, I’m positive for different reasons, but all the same really. I was trying to dismiss my feelings from the car ride home.

I had to go inside for something, when I came back out she was gone. Dam it!, who left the gate open! But no gate was open. My son who was almost two said something like, flydog, I dismissed it. I really should have listened better. I panicked and ran out the front door calling her name. She had been my dog for all of one hour and I had already lost her.

And there she was laying in the front yard, munching on a rodent of some sort. We had mouser dogs before so it didn’t really phase me that she had one, kind of weird she was eating it though, hmmm.

I  put her leash on and took her through our gate to the back yard. I purposefully left her alone again so I could spy on her, did we have a hole in the fence? And then I saw it, a flying dog. She cleared our six foot wooden fence with ease, truth be told it was magnificent to see, effortless.

This would repeat itself over and over, and not just with our fence. She could fly off of our two story balcony, out of a car window, through a screen door. She let us know that containment was merely a suggestion. Thanks, but no thanks.

what…?

We went out for our first stroller walk, I had known her for all of three days. There was a large dog that barked from behind a fence, across and down the street. I didn’t think much of it, it was just a barking dog. Fran went up onto her tip toes and arced into a horse shoe shape, bringing all four paws tight together. She went pilo erect again, wrapped her tail to her side and bent her head down to the same side. She started to chatter and hop sideways towards the barking dog. Holy shit, who are you?

As fast as she went into this behavior, she came out of it, and we resumed our stroller walk. She was apparently fine, me not so much.

There was something about her presence. More than just a young female dog walking down the street. Some dogs would turn themselves inside out, whine, play gesture, or throw themselves against the fence to get her attention, others would growl hard. No dog was neutral around her. Seriously, who are you?

She played well with every off leash dog we met on our walks, and the dogs in our neighborhood. Her play style was big, flashy, and fast. No dog could resist her games, and she new it. She seemed to set the terms for play, and every dog said YES oh so willingly. Except one. An old female Spaniel that was left to cruse the neighborhood all day while her people were at work. She displayed her dislike with a swift and punishing deep bite to the face or side of the shoulder. Fran was bit, and bit hard three times in the first month we had her. We kept a look out but could never predict where this dog would be. Her owners weren’t open to the idea of keeping her in their yard. They were the first family to stop talking to us, the first on a list that grew rather quickly.

food, or maybe not …

Over the first few weeks she wasn’t eating anything we offered. I knew dogs could be stressed when moving into their new home, but literally, she wouldn’t even go near food if we were in the house, or even look at it for that matter. I would offer kibble, steak, chicken, everything we had really. I tried hand feeding but she would just walk away. I tried bowls in every room to see if it was a room issue. We would offer a bowl of food and then leave the house completely. Bowl in the yard. Nothing.

So I watched more closely. She was eating her stools, rodents, and carrion. What? Maybe she was sick and this is all she could handle? So off to the vet we went. A full check up, blood and stool, and she was found perfectly healthy, a bit under weight but nothing else.

I tried handing her raw meat, if this was her gig I could go that way, I just wanted her to eat. She wouldn’t even look at me. When I would back away and go inside, she would pick it up carefully, dig a hole put the raw meat in it, pat it down with her nose, and then nose push dirt back over it. Cache and stash. She ate nothing that I touched for the longest time.

It took nearly two months for her to eat in my presence and to eat what I offered.

sleep

Fran went straight to the smallest darkest space in the open closet and curled up. OK, we can go with that. When I went to put a dog bed in there, she lowered her head and her eyes were glazed over. I could see her lips quivering too. I backed away, and very kindly called her to me. It took a moment but she did, and her whole expression was different once she was out of her small space.

This same behavior presented itself in a crate, under bushes, low trees, and the thicker part of our garden. As soon as she got into a small darkish type space, she became a different dog, and we were not welcome. Her eyes glazing over was haunting to say the least. But if we called her she would come, and come with an easy sway, easy eyes, and she would want that deep touch.

reality …

How do you work with a dog that has called you out? She could hunt, find her own shelter, survive on her own, interact with her own species, all without my assistance. She didn’t need me.

I clearly was over my skill level and needed to find a way to step up to the plate. But I didn’t know which way to step, I couldn’t put my finger on what I was seeing or experiencing with her. I just knew I needed to learn more, and do more.

But the harsh reality was that she was still so new to me and in transition. She was behaving on the most polite of terms, and over the next year, life between us would escalate.

Nancy

living with a dog outside of neutral – part 1

This 7 part article series received a DWAA nomination, February 2013!

the introduction

I have been wanting to sit down and write this for a long time, long time as in years. It’s still very much a relationship in the present, but it is the past that I have been thinking about. I haven’t been able to find my voice with this particular story until very recently. In all fairness, this is Franny’s story to tell. If she could put pen to paper it would be a definitive guide for dog handlers. I will do my best to tell this story with the unapologetic and raw manner in which she lives.

Each post will include part of our story together, what I learned,  the training/teaching, or totally misguided blunders that I implemented. I have no idea how many parts there will be in this series, again this is the first time I have felt open enough to write about it.

We had just experienced extreme loss, the kind of loss where it feels like the carpet is pulled out from under you, and you find your self in mid air knowing you are going to crash, and crash hard. I couldn’t seem to function on any type of normal level during the day, and yet I was managing to take care of two young children, my babies. I knew I needed to do something to heal my heart, take a deep breath, see with clear eyes again, but was at a loss for what.

Animals have always, literally always, been a part of my life. It is my connection to this world in some way. I feel myself, grounded, and free when I am around other living beings. It’s not that I dislike my own species, on the contrary, it’s just that the non human speaking beings and I seem to understand each other on a different level. Does that make sense?

So I started looking for a dog, at shelters, private rescues, on the street, and in the paper. Everyday I would take my babies and we would go to look and visit. It was hard to really see and get to know any of them through swollen tear soaked eyes though. I know most of the shelter workers at the time pitied me, which I hated, I didn’t want there sympathy, I wanted to feel better again, a connection again.

About a month into this daily search I saw a dog, one who had apparently been there the whole time, but one I had never noticed. It’s almost like one day my blurry vision cleared and there she was. Relaxed, laying down against the fence, soft eyes, and seemingly unaware of the bleak prospect of living at the shelter. I bent down and put my finger through the fence and she very gently licked it, just once, and then looked at me. In my heart I knew she needed me!

When I went to ask about adopting her, I was informed there were three families that had submitted paper work for her, a waiting list of sorts. I totally understood why. So I continued my search. Two weeks later I saw that she was still there, and again went and asked. She was available, the families who had applied weren’t approved for some reason. I simply said, and I remember this so clearly, I want her. Twenty minutes later I walked out with a dog named Fran. I have no idea why they didn’t make me wait, or fill out the extensive forms, perhaps they were happy that the crying lady finally found a dog?

As soon as she jumped in my car I realized on some deep level that she didn’t need me at all, I was simply an accomplice in a jail break. I knew I was in for something, but didn’t  quite understand the scope of what life now had in store for me.

Nancy